Breakingbad (24.09.2013)

Last night the very last night.
We talked at the end.
I was so upset whole day.
His manager became a dad. He went there alone to see baby and congraulate the father…
That was my dream…
We will go there together and I will hold the baby…
Then he will see me w baby.. Enlightenment begins..

Dream gone to trash.

I begun to pack but he laid down the bed. And saying how relaxing it is..
I was mad. Really mad.

I was packing there , I will leave him soon but he was enjoying the relaxation…

I packed harshly he realized came and ask.

Then we talked.

The first argument of him why we cannot be lovers is distance.
Second he doesnot want any commitment.
Third he doesnot trust himself. He can get bored anything at anytime.
Fourth the beginning of new life…

My heart broken so bad.
But he was kind.
He said I am too precious for him.
He said I am the second woman after his mom, take care of him.
Then we sang together tarkan-unutmamali…

I dont know…
I still believe that he will be with me…

I said loudly i love you…

Then we slept. Just slept.
I woke up in the middle of the night. I was shaking… I woke him up and say
 please hug me.
He said ok “bir tanem” ( my only one) and I asked Am I your only one, arent I ?
He said yes.

This was a lie that I want hear… I heard. Then my shakings stopped..
I fool myself.

My heart broken so bad…


Vögelchen (22.09.2013)

Here am I again w my best friend



I love this bar. So old, so tired but relaxing.

like a grandma house.

Father-daughter talks (18.09.2013)

Just few minutes ago,
My father’s talk with me had ended 
He is , he is really the best father in the world.
He is the type of man that I have to fall in love with him.

In sum he said =
Please my daughter talk with me.
Talk everything and anything to me.
Please let us to be closer as those times you were in high school…

I cried. I am still crying.

He is the best.
I am the worst.

What had I done do right ?
What had I done so wrong ?